When Grief Comes in Waves: How to Cope With Sudden Pet Loss Triggers

Grief doesn’t always show up on schedule. Just when you think you’re starting to adjust, a memory, a sound, or a quiet moment can knock the wind out of you. These sudden emotional surges are called "grief waves," and while they might feel like setbacks, they’re actually part of healing.

You’re not going backward. You’re just remembering how deeply you loved.

🌊 Understanding Grief Waves

People often compare grief to the ocean. Early on, the waves crash constantly—huge, relentless, and unpredictable. Over time, they become smaller and less frequent. But every now and then, a wave will still rise and hit hard.

Sometimes there’s an obvious reason: a favorite toy on the floor, the sound of their name. Other times, there’s no clear trigger. And that’s okay. These waves are simply echoes of love.

🌿 Ways to Cope When Grief Hits Suddenly

1. Let Yourself Feel It
The wave won’t last forever. Cry if you need to. Sit with the sadness. Give yourself permission to feel instead of pushing it away.

2. Ground Yourself in the Moment
Try deep breathing: inhale for four counts, hold, and exhale for four. Or do a simple grounding exercise: name 5 things you see, 4 you can touch, 3 you hear, 2 you smell, and 1 you taste.

3. Find a Source of Comfort
Hold their old blanket. Light a candle. Hug a custom stuffed animal made in their likeness. Sometimes a physical connection helps your heart feel anchored.

4. Talk to Someone Who Gets It
Call a friend. Text a pet loss support group. Even just saying, "Today’s been hard," can make the weight feel lighter.

5. Do One Gentle Thing
Take a slow walk. Listen to calming music. Write down a memory. Healing doesn’t have to be big—it just has to be kind.

⚖️ The Balance Between Grief and Growth

The Dual Process Model of Grief explains that healing isn’t about staying in sadness or forcing yourself to "move on."

You bounce between two modes:

• Loss-Oriented: Feeling your grief, remembering, missing.

• Restoration-Oriented: Finding new routines, rediscovering joy, adapting.

Both are valid. Both are necessary.

Grief waves don’t mean you’re stuck. They mean your bond was real, deep, and still alive in memory.

If it helps, keep something nearby that reminds you of them—a collar, a photo, a custom plush that looks just like them. These tangible connections can be small lifelines when the wave hits.

Love doesn’t disappear. It just changes shape.

 

Reference:

Surfing the Waves of Grief | Psychology Today

Grief: A Brief History of Research on How Body, Mind, and Brain Adapt - PMC

How grieving changes the brain, with Mary-Frances O’Connor, PhD

How grief and loss affect your brain, and why it takes time to adapt : Shots - Health News : NPR

Processing Grief When the Waves Hit | Psychology Today

How the brain handles grief: A Q&A with Mary-Frances O'Connor | University of Arizona News

Grief Comes in Waves – The Loss Foundation

Coping With Grief Waves at Work and in Public Places